Jackfic Archive Story


Crosswired: Electrocution

by Twitchy and the Nut - otherwise known as Flatkatsi and Gumnut

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).

Thor was annoyed.

The last few days had been remarkably strange. First there was the incident with the Wellans and the people of Earth. While Thor usually enjoyed his encounters with the Terrans, the Wellans were a most frustrating race. Their fascination with practical jokes was a threat to intergalactic peace everywhere.

Once he'd managed to convince General Landry that the Wellans were benign and their attempt to steal the Prometheus was only an exercise in their warped sense of humour, he had further convinced the general to send SG-1 on a diplomatic foray with himself and a similar Asgard party. Of course, Grommit and his Wellan team of diplomats had lived up to all expectations on Thor's part.

He was still itchy all over. Ugh. Hair was distasteful.

But the exercise had been successful, the indignities repaired ... mostly. And a treaty of tolerance was forged. The glare on Colonel Carter's face had driven home the point, however. Grommit had been more intimidated by her than anyone else. Thor suspected it had something to do with what she had said to him shortly after the hair incident. Thor hadn't quite understood the exclamation, but Grommit had turned a rather bright shade of orange, even for a Wellan.

As for Thor himself, it hadn't only been the hair that had been disconcerting. During the diplomatic procedure, he had become aware of the Colonel's avoidance of him. He would not have noticed it if he hadn't spent so much time working closely with SG-1 on the treaty. He knew he wasn't one for a great deal of conversation with the humans, language and mutual reference barriers were always a problem with casual communication between different species, but due to his personal interest in the humans of Earth, he had begun to make some decent effort to learn and overcome those barriers. Up until now, he felt he had had some success, particularly with SG-1 and General O'Neill, but just recently, Samantha Carter had exhibited definite signs of wanting to be everywhere but where he was.

And he had no idea why.

After the first day, he had researched a few particulars regarding human social interactions and as far as he could determine, he did not smell, look unpleasant, behave in a stigmatic manner or otherwise breach the human conversational norm...beyond the obvious species and cultural differences.

On the second day, he tried to approach her to ask why, but had failed repeatedly as her excuses and ability to avoid him proved almost elite in skill. The Asgard transporter was after all only a machine and not up to the wiliness of a determined mind, no matter the skill of the operator. After a while, Thor gave up. He did not understand and would most likely ask O'Neill next time they had the opportunity to meet.

But all that was several days ago. The negotiations had been lengthy and he had requested a brief recess before the actual signing of the document. The Terrans had returned home for a particular few days and a religious observance and Thor had taken the time to catch up on his paperwork.

At the resumption of proceedings, O'Neill had been requested to attend to represent Earth and SG-1 had joined him - for protection rather than ceremony, Thor suspected. Trust was not high on the human's agenda where the Wellans were concerned.

He had actually looked forward to seeing the group together once again. While he had a certain admiration for Colonel Mitchell, O'Neill was much more of a friend in an unofficial capacity. But when the group had finally arrived on Wella, something was obviously wrong.

For one, General O'Neill had started playing the same game as Samantha Carter, avoiding Thor as much as possible. He did satisfy courtesy, but each time the Asgard attempted to speak with him privately, he made an excuse and left as soon as possible. Colonel Carter was the same. Thor hardly spoke two words to them at all.

And it hurt.

He hadn't realised how much he valued the humans' friendship. Fortunately Daniel Jackson, Colonel Mitchell and Teal'c were quite happy to engage in small talk. But the other two had him worried.

And it wasn't long before he realised he wasn't alone.

O'Neill seemed to having a similar difficulty with Teal'c.

After the ceremony where all three representatives signed the treaty, Thor drew the Jaffa aside and enquired after his health.

"I am well, Commander. And you?"

"My health is excellent, however, I am becoming concerned regarding O'Neill. Is he well?"

The large man tensed and to Thor's astonishment suddenly started to exhibit the same symptoms as both O'Neill and Colonel Carter. "I am unsure. I have not spoken to the General today."

"But you arrived with him, did you not?"


"Yet you have not spoken with him. Have you had a disagreement?"

Teal'c did not answer at first, his reticence obvious. "I have some concerns regarding General O'Neill, however, I am not willing to discuss them at this time."

"You are avoiding him." It came out as a statement rather than a question, but in reality it was both.


"He is avoiding me. I was concerned it was some indiscretion on my part."

"I sincerely doubt it. O'Neill admires you greatly."

"And I him. However, something is wrong and I would prefer to find out exactly what." He nodded to the Jaffa and left him a moment to approach Daniel. "Excuse me, Doctor Jackson, may I speak to you for a moment?"

The archaeologist turned and at Thor's gesture, followed him over to where Teal'c was standing. He sent Teal'c a questioning look, but turned his attention to Thor. "What's up?"

"Doctor Jackson, I have a problem ..."


General O'Neill looked around the large banquet hall, giving every appearance of politely listening to his host's rather confusing description of some practical joke he'd played on Thor and the members of SG-1. He nodded in what he hoped were the right places, not really listening. Amusing though it probably would have been at any other time, he really didn't feel in the mood to do anything but get this damned treaty signed, get back to Earth and retreat to his office in DC.

He had seen Carter earlier, and the desire to flee was overridden by the urge to walk up to her and ask if there was any truth in what Daniel had told him. Was the attraction mutual or was it purely one-sided on Teal'c's part? But he didn't. It wasn't really any of his business, except in so far as any relationship between the two affected the team dynamics.

Yes, that was the only reason he felt so uncomfortable when he saw the colonel across the room, chatting rather animatedly to Teal'c.

The only reason.

Damn it - there was Thor, heading towards him again. He couldn't cope with talking to the Asgard, not now, not when his emotions were so ... confused.

He made an excuse and scuttled away - feeling very ungeneral-like.

This whole situation was ridiculous.

He was an adult and he should be able to handle things like this.

Things like having aliens attracted to him.

Jack circled the room, uncomfortably aware that there were very few places to hide.

He did half wonder if he could cut Daniel from the herd, get him somewhere private and ask him exactly what Carter had told him, but just as he was about to approach his friend, Thor pulled the other man aside. Now Thor, Daniel and Teal'c were in a corner, having what looked to be a rather deep discussion.

Oh crap!

What was the Asgard saying to them?

He wanted to know, but was afraid to find out.

Maybe if he just went a little closer... He swung around, his mind on what he was planning rather than where he was going.


A soft body collided with him.

And he found his arms full of Colonel Samantha Carter.

He was just starting to enjoy the sensation when she leapt back as if she had been burnt.

"Oh, I'm very sorry, General."

"No, it was entirely my fault, Colonel."

Crap - this sounded like dialogue from a Victorian play.

"No, sir, I should have been looking where I was going."

Carter looked like she wanted to run. Maybe there was something in what Daniel had told him after all.

"So, how have you been?"

He winced at his own words. Talk about small talk!

"Good, sir, and you?"

"Oh, you know - same old, same old. Mustn't complain."

Well actually he could. He could say - what's going on, Carter? What do you think you're doing? Teal'c? But the words wouldn't come.

"Did you have a good Easter?"

Thank goodness - something safe to talk about.

"Yes, I did. It was great. Went up to the cabin." He knew he was grinning, but he couldn't help it. "Did something I've wanted to do for a long time." He thought he saw a slight look of distaste cross her face, so he hurried on. "I know, I know - you probably don't approve, but it felt great to finally do it after wanting to all these years."

"Get it out in the open, you mean, sir?"

Huh? Okay, so he'd made all those jokes over the years about fishing not being about the catching of the fish, but he'd hardly hidden the fact he wouldn't mind actually catching one. It wasn't exactly a secret.

He was about to say so, when Carter continued, nodding as if she understood something, but he had no idea what. "It's best to be honest, especially when it's something so important."

And again - huh?

"Ah ... I'm not sure I follow, Carter."

"Daniel told me, sir."

"Told you what?"

"About - " Carter waved toward the group still ensconced in the corner.

Oh crap! She was talking about Teal'c. She obviously thought they'd had a talk while at the cabin - laid it all out - and that he was okay with it.

Well, guess what - he wasn't. He was far from okay with it.

He knew his face showed something of what he felt when the colonel stepped back, and the light he'd always loved seeing in her eyes dulled.

Carter lowered her voice. "It's all right, sir, I understand and it won't change the respect I feel for you. If you'll excuse me?"

Without waiting for permission, she turned away.


That was all she felt for him.

A deep chill filled Jack's heart.


Daniel had been enjoying a cultural exchange of ideas when Thor requested his company. The Wellans were an odd race, but they did have a fascinating history. Several of their encounters with the ever serious Goa'uld were rather entertaining. But the expression on Thor's face immediately had him concerned.

He followed the little alien over to Teal'c. Teal'c's expression was equally serious and Daniel had a sudden foreboding of planetary disaster and mad dashes to waiting wormholes. Teal'c directed his eyes to Thor and Daniel followed. "What's up?"

And Thor outlined his concern for O'Neill.

"He's avoiding you?"

"Yes, and I was wondering if you might know why."

He thought a moment and then turned to look at the general across the room. Perhaps he was still upset regarding Teal'c. The man had certainly dropped the phone quickly enough after Daniel had told him about Teal'c and Sam. "I'm not sure. He wasn't very happy last I spoke with him." He turned back to Teal'c. "I'm sorry it didn't work out well between the two of you."

Teal'c's eyes widened, alarmed as Daniel had ever seen him. "You are aware of our altercation?"

"Yeah, Jack told me yesterday."

Teal'c's lips thinned in disapproval. "I would have thought he would have more respect for my privacy." Give him a couple of eagle feathers and he could have stood in for one of those wooden Native American statues outside a cheesy tourist trap.

"He only rang me because he was worried about you." A pause. "Well, that and to boast about his fish."

Thor jumped on that. "O'Neill caught a fish? In his pond?"

"Yes, or so he says."

"I find that highly suspect. I have scanned that body of water. There are no fish."

"Conned you into a fishing trip too, did he?"

"Yes. A most confounding exercise. Despite my clear proof at the absence of any of the larger lifeforms in the water, he persisted in attempting to catch one."

"Yeah, well, that's Jack for you."

"But that does not explain why he is avoiding me. Nor why Colonel Carter is doing the same."

"Sam's avoiding you as well?"

"Yes. In fact yourselves and Colonel Mitchell are the only ones who have spoken to me today. I had feared I smelt bad."

Daniel blinked. "Smelt bad?"

"Yes. Human olfactory glands are much more sensitive than ours."

"Oh. Well, you don't."

"I am glad to hear that. However, it still does not answer my concerns."

Daniel looked up and over at Sam. She was talking to Jack. Both looked like they'd rather be anywhere but where they were. "Thor, when did you first notice the problem?"

"She has been acting that way throughout all the negotiations. Since we first encountered each other recently."

"Anything happen before that?" Daniel was now staring at Jack and Sam.

"The last time I saw Colonel Carter she spoke to me with no hesitation. She seemed most pleased with the flower I gave her."

Daniel stopped in mid-thought and turned back to the little alien. "Wait a minute. You gave Sam a flower? When?"

"It was a celebratory day, some time ago. O'Neill said I should give her a flower."

"Jack said you should give Sam a flower?"

"He did. But that I should not tell her it was from him. He was most specific about that."

Daniel held up a hand. "Let me get this straight. You gave a flower to Sam from Jack?"

"Yes, but I wasn't to tell her its origins."

Celebratory day. He thought a moment ... oh. "Valentine's Day?"

Thor tilted his head. "I believe so, yes."

"Teal'c, did you give Sam a rose for Valentine's Day?"

The Jaffa frowned. "I did not."

"So you don't have a romantic interest in Sam?"

The frown deepened. "While I hold Colonel Carter in the highest of respect and value her both as a warrior and a woman, my heart is with Ishta." A pause. Teal'c seemed hesitant to say something. "It is for this reason that I must also refuse O'Neill."

Daniel was busy processing the implications of Teal'c's lack of romantic interest in Sam, when that last registered on his brain cells. "Jack? You're refusing Jack?" No, he couldn't mean what he thought he meant.

"I have no choice. My interests do not lie in that ... realm of experience. I will give O'Neill everything, even my life, but I cannot give what I do not have."

Daniel stared at him, not quite able to force his brain in the direction it was required to go. "You think Jack is interested in you romantically?"

"It is as he indicated."

Yes, Daniel definitely had trouble getting the words out. "Are you sure? Because the chances of that are pretty much the same as him ever getting a fish out of that damned pond."


"Okay, let me rephrase that-"

"Doctor Jackson, I am confused. Is there some significance in the gift of a flower?" Thor was looking up at him with some impatience in his features. Daniel had the strongest impression that the Supreme Commander part of Thor was moving to the fore.

"I apologise, Commander. Valentine's Day is a day where romantically interested parties exchange gifts, often anonymously, in order to demonstrate their interest. If Jack gave you a flower, in this case a rose - a flower most commonly used to symbolise romance - to give to Sam for him and to do so anonymously, he was indicating his interest in Sam."

The Asgard frowned. "Is this flower always symbolic of such interest?"

"Not always, but a majority of the time, yes."

"Then my gift of a flower to O'Neill may have been misconstrued."

Another startled pause. "You gave a flower to Jack as well?"

"I did. It was my impression that a flower was a superior gift to give a human."

"Uh, it is, however, coming from you, he may have interpreted its meaning incorrectly." And knowing Jack, that was the most likely result.

"I believe we have discovered why he may be avoiding me. While I have no objection to the kind of pairing that would result from such a union, I'm afraid the physical incompatibilities would most likely render such a relationship dysfunctional regardless of my admiration for him or any he may have for me."

Daniel stared at him. Okaaay. "Yeah, I guess." He frowned. "Then why did you give him a flower?"

"It was his birthday. Is it not customary to give a gift to a human friend on that day?"

"Yes. I'm just not sure why you chose a flower."

"It was Colonel Carter's recommendation. She only had confectionery to give, so I chose a flower."

Another thought occurred to him. "Teal'c, you said Jack indicated to you that he was interested in you. How?"

"He spoke of a friend of a friend who was interested in...a friend. There was mention of alien cultural differences." But by this time Teal'c was staring at Thor. "I believe I have discovered the misunderstanding."

Daniel couldn't help it. The expression on Teal'c's face. The thought of Jack being gay. In fact the whole entire mess started him giggling. He held a hand over his mouth. Oh god. He bit his tongue.

"Okay, so Jack thinks Thor likes him and you, Teal'c like Sam. Sam also thinks Thor likes her."

"I am afraid, that she also believes O'Neill regards me romantically. I told her so, yesterday." His expression had slipped to one of mortification. "I was concerned."

Concerned was an understatement. "All because Jack wanted to give Sam a Valentine's Day gift and shunned the US Postal Service."

He turned to Thor, but the Asgard was peering across the floor at the General with a determined look on his face.


"I believe O'Neill has romantic concerns regarding Colonel Carter." He looked up at Daniel. "Dare I assume that chocolates can carry a similar connotation?"

"Sometimes." He frowned. "What chocolates?"

But the Asgard wasn't listening. "This problem needs a solution." He straightened. "And I believe I can provide it. Please excuse me."

And a flash of light later, the Asgard was gone.


One minute he was leaning against a wall with a rather large glass of the potent local liquor in his hand, and the next he was standing in what he knew was an Asgard spaceship, the tingly sensation he recognised so well running down his spine.

For cryin' out loud, what the hell did Thor think he was playing at? Snatching him from the banquet like that, right under the noses of the other guests.

If he wanted to get him alone, all he had to do was ask.


Get him alone.

Oh, double crap!

He spun on the spot, looking for somewhere, anywhere, to hide.

And for the second time that evening smacked into something soft and giving.


This time, extracting himself from Colonel Carter took a little more effort, as the medal ribbons on his dress blues snagged on one of her badges. There was a little grunting, a few mutters of annoyance, and not a little embarrassment on both their parts, before they finally managed to separate.

"Sorry, sir."

"Stop apologising, Carter."

He looked around again.

Still no Thor.

Carter joined him in gazing at the general lack of Thor. "Did Commander Thor tell you why he transported us up here?"

"No, I haven't really spoken to him all day."


'No." He stopped. He didn't need to explain himself. He was the senior officer.

There was an awkward pause and, as usual, Jack found his tongue hurrying to fill it before his brain agreed.

"Sorry you got dragged away from the party. Did you and Teal'c have any plans for later?"

Yes, he could be adult about this.

"I was going to head straight to bed. It's been a long day. I don't know about Teal'c."

"Yeah, I suppose being offworld, that's for the best. Very professional, Colonel."

Jack tried to keep his tone unemotional - tried his hardest.

Carter was staring at him, with a slightly hurt look on her face. Then she moved closer and put a hand lightly on his arm.

"You do know Teal'c isn't interested in you, don't you, sir?"

What the ...?


She stepped back. "I'm sorry, sir. I know it's none of my business. Forget I said anything."

"Carter ..."

There was a flash of light and, at their feet there appeared two objects - a single red rose and a box of elaborately wrapped chocolates.

Damn it - this was so not the time for Thor to be giving him more presents!

"Oh no! Not now."

It was as if Carter was reading his mind. It seemed he wasn't the only one with a Thor issues. She bent and stood again, the chocolate box in her hand, looking puzzled.

"That's odd. These are the ones I gave you."


She nodded as she peered more closely at the box. "Yes, sir, these are the same ones I asked Thor to deliver to you for your birthday. Didn't he give them to you?"

"He gave them to me." Jack paused, thinking. "They were from you?"

"Yes, of course. Who did you think they were from?"

"Well, Thor." He bent as well, picking up the flower. "He gave me a rose at the same time."

"That's odd."

"Tell me about it!"

"Maybe he thought that seeing you're ..." Carter stopped and blushed furiously.

"Seeing I'm what?"

She blushed even more and seemed to be avoiding meeting his gaze. "Well, he could have thought it was an appropriate gift for a gay man, sir."

"A what?!!!!"

Okay, he shouted. Yes, he shouted. He shouted so loudly the walls of the ship almost buckled.

"The only people I ever have the urge to give roses to are women, Colonel - women! Hell, I gave one to you for Valentine's Day!"

"Excuse me? The only flower I got was the one Thor gave me."

Ignoring a sudden desire to thump something - hard - Jack took a deep breath. "I asked Thor to give you the rose. I told him not to tell you who it was from."

There was another brief moment of silence as they both digested the information, then Carter took a tiny step closer.

"You aren't gay? You don't want a relationship with Teal'c?"

Thor's ship spun on its end, leaving Jack's head spinning. Or at least, it seemed to, it being the only explanation for the confusion he was now feeling.

"Teal'c?" Involuntarily, his voice rose again. "I'm NOT gay! You don't need to worry, you won't have any competition from me for his affections."

Carter's tongue drifted briefly over her lips, then she bit down on the bottom one - a sure sign she was puzzling over something. "What gives you the idea I'm have a romantic interest in Teal'c?"

"Daniel told me."

"Teal'c told me you were gay."

And the light began to dawn.

The General went into full military mode, barking out instructions.

"Right, Colonel Carter, we need to establish the facts, starting with ..." He waved the rose violently, almost hitting her in the nose. "... this."

Straightening up, she snapped out, "Yes, sir." But the tiny smile that graced her lips somewhat spoilt the effect.

As if giving a report, he began at, where he assumed was the beginning. "On Valentine's Day I asked Thor to deliver a rose to you and told him not to say who it was from." He waited for the reaction, but instead of making a comment on the inappropriateness of his actions, Carter replied in an equally formal manner.

"Commander Thor gave me the rose, sir. I thought it was from him, and was a little uncomfortable with the idea."

Okay - so she was uncomfortable with it. But only because she thought Thor gave it to her, maybe?

"I bet. What about the chocolates?" After all, they were pretty odd - a bit old and crusty, like him.

"Thor visited me to ask for advice on the appropriate birthday present to give you as a token of admiration. I took the opportunity to ask him to deliver an old box of chocolates I'd had for a while." She looked down guiltily. "I forgot your birthday, and it was all I had, but I thought you'd get the joke and I'd have a chance to buy you something better. Then the Wellans attempted to steal the Prometheus, everything went crazy at the SGC and it slipped my mind." She looked up. "I'm sorry."

She wanted to give him a gift. Sweet! He smiled back at her.

"Don't worry about it. Okay - my turn. Thor gave me the chocolates, but he didn't say they were from you. He gave me a rose as well."

She put a hand up to her mouth and laughed. "That must have been quite a shock. I think I know what happened. Thor was asking me about gifts and I mentioned flowers. It didn't occur to me he would give one to you, sir." Her giggle had him smiling even more.

He loved it when she giggled.

"It sure was a shock, Carter. I didn't know what to do so I tried asking Teal'c for advice when he came to the cabin at Easter, but he left before I could really get anywhere."

This time she didn't giggle. She laughed outright.

"Oh my god! He completely misunderstood you. He thought you were interested in him and called me for advice."

"He thought I was interested in him? Like, ewww! That is SO wrong!" He stopped and began to wildly back-pedal. "Not that I have a problem with homosexuality. Some of my best friends are gay."

Okay, that didn't come out right. Carter was giving him one of those looks. The one she gave when she really wanted to know more but was afraid to ask.

"Ah, well actually they aren't. Not my best friends" The thought of Daniel and Teal'c brought him back on track. "No wonder T turned tail and ran." Jack didn't know whether to be embarrassed or amused. "I didn't know what to think when he took off so I called Daniel to ask him. That's when he told me you were interested in T."

"What? I asked Daniel for advice about how to handle Thor. I never even mentioned Teal'c."

Jack leaned forward and took the box of chocolates from Carter's hand, turning to place both it and the rose on a nearby console. He then came toward her and took both her hands in his.

"So, no interest in T."


They both smiled.

"You know, Carter, this has all been pretty stupid when you think about it. I should have just given you the rose in the first place." He hesitated. "And I would have, if it wasn't for those pesky regulations."

"You would have, sir?"

He tightened his grip on her hands and pulled her closer. She was wearing a scarf in Air Force blue and it slipped, falling to rest on her shoulders. Her hair was short - far shorter than he had ever seen it before. He released one hand and reached up, stroking his fingers through it, feeling the soft strands.

"New look?"

"I'd rather not go into it right now, sir." Her smile turned to a megawatt grin.

"Okay. And to answer your question ..." He paused, his smile growing with hers. "Yep."

She beamed.

And he brought her closer still.

"Oh, to hell with it!"

His hands moved, one snaking around her waist, the other around her shoulders and he leaned forward, his mouth meeting hers.

They dipped, fused together, for one long and very sensuous kiss.

Straightening, still holding each other tightly, Jack reached out to run a finger down Sam's cheek.

She turned her head slightly to place a kiss softly in his palm.

"So, not gay then?"

He didn't bother answering, deciding that actions spoke louder than words.

Neither noticed the lights of the ship dimming until the only illumination was from the planet moving slowly below them.

They were far too busy to care.


The End

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